Finding Grace

I am a perfectionist. I always have been, and I probably always will be. I expect perfection from myself, and from those who surround me. The problem with having such high expectations is that it is impossible for anyone to ever meet them. And this is where anger comes in. Many people in my life don’t know this, but I have a horrible temper. I find myself wanting to shout at those dearest to me more often than I would like to admit.

I would love to try to justify my anger by claiming that it is righteous; that I only feel it when I witness a true injustice. But I would be lying. The majority of the time, I feel angry when people don’t do things the way that I would do them. The fact of the matter is, the majority of my anger is wrong.

My deepest desire is to love everyone unconditionally. And I mean everyone—from my own son to the person bagging my groceries. It’s easy to feel unconditional love for my family; there is nothing that my son or husband would do that would make me stop loving them, but to feel that toward strangers is more difficult, and probably impossible.

The only way for me to begin working toward loving unconditionally is for me to become a woman of grace. Every person I come across is a child of God. Who am I to think that I should ever have feelings of anger toward a person who my Creator put on this earth? Whether or not a person “deserves” my love is not up to me to decide. God didn’t create me so that I could wonder whether my fellow human beings are worthy of love.

So, this is my promise, to you guys and to myself, that I am going to be better. Instead of thinking of myself as a woman with an anger problem, I am going to remind myself that I am a woman of grace. I have been put on this earth to bring light to the lives of others, and I don’t want to let my Creator down.